Right before going on stage in Hengelo (the Netherlands), the mighty Oderus Urungus, lead singer and founder of Gwar, mercifully decided not to execute us and, in fact, gave us a mission: To tell the world about Gwar.
We, of course, accepted this mission. Below you can see the transcript and, of course, the footage of this unforgettable interview (with a new record for most uses of the word “fuck” in single interview)
Metal Blast: In one of his columns, Dave Brockie said…
Oderus Urungus: Don’t waste my time talking to me about that stupid fucking shit! Everybody knows that he is a butt-boy…. he is to me what Madagascar is to the UN.… He means nothing!
MB: Well, in any case, he said that despite the 25-year career, Gwar is still unknown and that the band is still broke. Is it true, or is he just bad-mouthing you again?
O: Of course that’s true! We’re not gonna let this people make any money off of Gwar! Not when we could be blowing it on drugs! This band could have been a millionaire thousands of time if it wasn’t for the fact that we simply will not allow the slaves to have their own Possessions.
MB: Bloody Pit of Horror, your new album, is great. How is it different and what’s your favorite track?
O: I love that fucking record. I like the supersong that it starts with… the big mega song; I really like the fact that we tuned down, it’s really the most grizzly, grotesque song that we’ve ever had for a Gwar album.
However, lyrically, my favorite song is Tick-Tits; there’s always at least one song per album that is totally disgusting, and those are usually my personal favorites. They are usually based on hideous tales of my sex life, and that’s what Tick-Tits is all about. A woman so infected with ticks that they get all big and puffy and grey, and they actually grow bigger than her actual tits.
MB: Is The Cuttlefish of Cthulhu (Oderus’ penis) still on probation in the state of North Carolina?
O: No, fuck no. They cut it of, they’ve been holding it ever since, they’ve never let him out of police custody. I think the bust him out once a year at the “Firemen and Policemen Ball”, and they all have screaming anal sex with it, but I haven’t seen it again. I fully expect it to one day break through the wall and totally make my life into a living shit.
And fuck a bunch of Pandas man!
O: People think pandas are cute, but they are vicious as fuck! Their shit is like alien blood. If there’s anything tougher than what keeps panda shit from eating the rest of the body…. fuck, we need to make motherfucking tanks with whatever the fuck it is that keeps panda shit from eating the rest of the fucking panda.
MB: You played in Bonnaroo [a Hippie festival in the US] last year…
O: Yeah, I did!
MB: Are you becoming a flower child now?
O: Yeah, I fucking am, what of it? I don’t even know what that means, I don’t know what a flower child is… but we like fucking Holland.
A lot of people were like “Holland?” and were like “yeah” and they were like “what are you doing there?” and were like “playing rock and roll, fucker, ’cause that’s what we do”.
MB: Is it true that you and [bassist] Beefcake the Mighty are obsessed with Justin Bieber?
O: Fuck. That little fucking worthless piece of shit? No! We are obsessed maybe with killing him, but he’s such a little fuck, such a little mouse, that he’s very difficult to find. I’m beginning to think that maybe Justin Bieber isn’t even real… but then again, Leave it to Bieber.
MB: Does Margaret Cho still call you?
O: No, she cannot, I fucking knocked her jaw off with my penis. You might have noticed that her career has gone nowhere since we facefucked her at bonnaroo
MB: Can we finally expect to see you on the 2012 presidential ballot?
O: Absolutely not, I think Sarah Palin has the situation well in hand.
MB: Is she the reason why you stopped appearing on [Fox News’] Red Eye?
O: Yes, she is! That fucking bitch got me kicked out of fucking Red Eye, can you believe that? You’ve got that fucking whore making calls about who can be on fucking TV or not!
MB: So I guess there’s no way you’ll be her running mate on 2012?
O: No, absolutely not, unless of course she asks me and there’s lots of money involved.
MB: Finally, are you guys going to participate in the audio commentary for the Blu-Ray edition of Mystery Date, with Ethan Hawke?
O: Well, I don’t know about that, but I know for sure that I’m going to be in the Amsterdam Slut Parade.
[Tour manager yells “STAGE TIME!!“]
O: Thank you people of Holland, we are the mighty Gwar, buy our new album, “Bloody Pit of Horror”, from Metal Blade Records, we’re gonna go fucking hit the stage!!!