Portrait of a Scumdog: A Conversation with Blothar from Gwar

After the untimely death of Gwar’s founding member and vocalist Oderus Urungus (AKA Dave Brockie), there were many doubts about the future of the band. Would the Scumdogs return to their home planet of Scumdoggia, or would they forge on, killing anything in their path that dared to stand in the way of their global conquest? Well, the Bohabs didn’t have to wait long for an answer before a new vocalist emerged at this year’s 5th annual Gwar-B-Q, in the form of the mighty Blothar (AKA Mike Bishop) and the surprise addition of a second vocalist, Vulvatron (AKA Kim Dylla), marking the first time Gwar has had a female member since Slymenstra Hymen. 

We recently spoke with Blothar at the second annual Housecore Horror Film Festival in Austin, Texas. Being that he was hungry at the time of the interview, we’re lucky the Scumdog allowed us to escape with our lives (and most of our limbs) intact.

Ebola is a spice, like garlic, and the more humans that have it, the more delicious they are.

MB: Tell me, Blothar, how did you find out about the rest of these Scumdogs? How did you find out about Gwar?
Blothar: Well, I’m also a Scumdog. I knew Gwar before they were Gwar, back when they were just a bunch of idiots running around killing shit in service of the Master. We hung out on Scumdogia, planet Earth, and when I knew them before the band, everything was fine. They were running around, fucking monkeys and making humans, having a blast on planet Earth, and I was there with them. Next thing I know, they disappear, and suddenly I show up on stage, after stepping through a time portal. I walked out on the stage in front of 10,000 ridiculous metalheads with acne and chlamydia. It happens every night; I step through a time portal, and I have to sing Gwar’s songs. And I try to help them find Oderus Urungus, who is probably somewhere smoking crack with a prostitute, and he still owes me 50 bucks, from back when we used to calculate money using yams. The guy owes me a shitload of yams!

MB: Did he ever offer you any crack, or did he just hoard it for himself?
Blothar: What do you mean crack?!?! Oderus doesn’t do crack! …well, yeah he does do crack, actually. He does a LOT of crack, and no he wouldn’t give me any! Of course not, he’s the most selfish being in the universe!

MB: So, we have ebola here in Texas now, is it a sign of Gwar’s arrival here at Housecore?
Blothar: Well, Gwar basically pisses ebola. It’s all part of our plan to make you humans more appetizing to us. Ebola is a spice, like garlic, and the more humans that have it, the more delicious they are. So hopefully everyone will get it, we’ll eat everyone, and everything will be fucking fine!

MB: Is there eventually going to be a battle for supremacy between you and Vulvatron?
Blothar: Vulvatron doesn’t know shit! I am the singer for Gwar! Well, I guess she does know quite a bit, but we don’t battle for anything. If we were to battle, I’d surely massacre her. She comes from the future, I come from the past, she knows a lot about technology, and I know a lot about magic, so together, we make one unstoppable force!

MB: So are there any plans for a new Gwar album with you and Vulvatron on vocals?
Blothar: Well Vulvatron is probably going to be on the next record, and I know I am. We’re starting to work on “songs,” if that’s what you call them. I expect we’ll go to some place soon, and record a stupid fucking record, of course! That’s what we do, record stupid records!

[At this point, Blothar points across the room at a very tired and/or drunk looking Brian Posehn.]

Blothar: Is that guy over that weirdo comedian?

MB: Yes!
Blothar: It is?

MB: Yep, Brian Posehn.
Blothar: Oh for fucks sake! Somebody is going to have to smack him in the face! And I’LL BE THE ONE!

Photo: Shawn Stanley
Photo: Shawn Stanley

MB: How did you get these udders you have on?
Blothar: Well, I was born with them, to the best of my knowledge, if you want to call it “born.” I was, like Oderus, hatched out of a petri dish. But the udders are my man-tits, that’s what they are, I just came with them, you know? They’re also my sex organ, it’s like a big bag of dicks. It’s my dick bag!

MB: So which do you think is better, a set of udders or a Cuttlefish?
Blothar: Well, that’s a hard question. With the Cuttlefish, you have one fantastic member, and with my udders you get a bag of ridiculous, ugly members, so I don’t know. For my tastes, I’m glad I have a bag of dicks I can pull on. The Cuttlefish keeps showing up, by the way, it’s the only part of Oderus we’re consistently seeing, and I think he keeps mistaking the time portal for a glory-hole, and keeps sticking his dick through it.

MB: Are you sure none of you wanted to just “play with it” and stole it from Oderus?
Blothar: Well, I don’t think so. We have that ridiculous Cave Troll that has been appearing on stage with us, and he keeps pulling it off of Oderus. The Cuttlefish of Cthulhu makes an appearance at the shows, but he’s only around for a little bit, I don’t get to talk to him. He’s a fascinating character, much more interesting than Oderus. He’s done a lot more, he’s worldly, he’s traveled, he’s a gambler, and he’s a pirate.

MB: What kind of music do you consider what Gwar is playing? Is it rock and roll, is it metal, or do you have another name for it entirely?
Blothar: Well, we call it the music of the Gods, because we are Gods. All music flows from Gwar, whether it’s the pitiful scratchings of Beethoven and the rest of his German fucknuts, or whether it’s jazz and Louis Armstrong, W.C. Handy, Burl Ives

MB: Justin Bieber?
Blothar: Fuck Justin! No, that’s not music! That doesn’t come from us, and that’s why we’re here to kill it!

MB: Do you prefer the thrash side of Gwar, or do you like the more punk-oriented side?
Blothar: I can make no distinction between the two. I just have to shout Oderus Urungus’ ridiculous words over the top of it. It’s terrible, what a curse! CURSE YOU, ODERUS!

MB: Have you started writing your own lyrics for some new material?
Blothar: I’ve ALWAYS written music for Gwar, ever since I was a pimply faced child. The first one I wrote, I was a mere 17 billion years old, and now I’m back writing for these fucking morons again. I’ve always written lyrics for Gwar as well, and they stole all of those lyrics! They stole them and made shit-tons of money, got blowjobs from fat chicks, got mountains of cocaine, and they got all that on my back and my creative energy! “The Road Behind,” “Rock And Roll Never Felt So Good,” you name it. Everything off the first and second records, IT’S ALL MINE! The third and fourth record too, for that matter.

MB: So what can we expect at the upcoming show and the rest of the tour?
Blothar: You can expect to die. ESPECIALLY you. We aim for overweight white people.

MB: [laughs] you’re in the right place for that!
Blothar: Yeah, there are a lot of fat white people running around here. People are going to die tonight, and we’re going to look for the most awesome rock and roll singer to walk the face of the Earth, and that includes all of the fucknuts walking around this festival with their noses in the air, and tight fucking pants. It’s Oderus Urungus, that’s what it’s about, that’s who we’re trying to find. That’s what the show is about. It’s a tribute to Oderus. Come see the Gwar Eternal Tour, if you are at all a fan of Gwar. Don’t stick your noses in the air about “Gwar continuing on,” come and watch what we’re doing. It offers a chance to pay respects and mourn the passing of Oderus Urungus, and that’s the whole reason we’re doing this fucking tour.

MB: Awesome, well thank you for your time Blothar.
Blothar: Fuck you!