First, the bad news.
We had this shit on video. Seriously. But we lost the footage.
So, what did we do? We got together, we tracked back our steps, ate some raisins, meditated, concentrated, and did other things that also rhymed, and reconstructed the interview.
We conducted this interview in a very small van (with a door that wouldn’t close) where the whole band (plus 2 of us, one for the pictures, one for the video) sat down, in the middle of a rainy Dutch afternoon, trying to cope with the rain and cold.
So, without further ado… Alestorm!
Why not highlander metal?
Chris: That’s what Germans do! Yeah, we see them wearing kilts so, we might as well sing about pirates.
You usually have a laugh about the bands that take, as you call it, “the paganism bullshit” too far. However, you’re still associated with Pagan and Folk metal anyway.
Chris: Are we? Fuck.
Yeah. So, what genre do you want to be consider a part of? If you say pirate metal… is pirate metal just anything that talks about pirates?
Chris: I guess so!
Dani: We don’t really care about fucking genres.
Chris: We’re like those Nü Metal bands in the late 90s, that would say that they played “just metal”. well, that’s what we do, we simply play metal.
How are you different from Swashbuckle, especially now that you have used some thrash elements?
Chris: Well, only a few riffs.
Dani: They’re our friends. They’re cool.
Chris: We are nothing like them though! Except for the pirate shit. They play a darker metal. We play happy music for happy people.
You recently parted ways with your former drummer, and now have Peter on board. How’s that going so far?
Chris: Well, to begin with, if you’re thinking of Alex, he was never IN the band. He was merely replacing the guy we had before, who left all of a sudden. He’d usually quit the band every 2 or 3 weeks anyway.
Dani: Or he wouldn’t show up to a show without letting us know. In this case, he quit right before a pretty big show.
Chris: He [Peter] plays drums good. He hits them and they sound pretty.
Gareth: Well, we don’t want to inflate his ego but, at least, he’s better than the last one!
Your album got leaked last night.
Chris: It did? Fuck
Dani: Well, we saw it in stores yesterday anyway. Someone bought it, ripped it and uploaded it probably.
How does that even happen?
Gareth: The stores fuck up. They receive the albums and think “Oh, ok, let’s sell them”, not considering the release date.
Chris: I don’t care if it leaked.
Gareth: It would have been nice if it had leaked after the release date though.
Chris: Fuck it. People get to listen to our stuff and then they come to the shows, buy t-shirts and headbands and whatever.
Dani: Fuck it.
Gareth: Yes, go and download our stuff!
You’re all pretty young. How do you manage to mix both this and your regular jobs or studies.
Dani: I don’t study.
Chris: For all of us this is it. We don’t do anything else.
Gareth: I’m terrified of the moment I have to look for a proper job “So what have you been doing for the last few years”?
Well, you can say “I’m the guy dancing with the midget” in the Shipwrecked video. Speaking of which; whose idea was to have the dancing midget.
Dani: Him! (points at Chris)
Chris: Well, the label asked us what we want for the video. I said “I want hot women, drunk people, a midget playing the violin…”. They said “Ok”… I said “Really?!”.
Gareth: It was really funny. We recorded this thing in Serbia, and the guy that got us the Midget was like “Is this midget good? We get you another one!“.
Chris: “This is gipsy Midget!”
Dani: And we’d say “Fuck it if he’s gipsy, what’s his name?!”
You know, our photographer is from Serbia.
Dani: They love meat there. They’d give us huge plates of meat. No sauce. I’d kill for ketchup.
Chris: We spent three evenings there, and we’d only get big plates of meat with nothing else.
Gareth: No offense.
You finally covered “You are a Pirate”, the LazyTown song; and internet meme that has been going around for years. Who came up with that one?
Chris: We sold out to the internet! Every0ne was telling us “Oooh, you have to cover that lazytown song” so, fuck it, we did it.
Gareth: The internet is a good place; I’ve heard good things about it. Everyone likes the Internet.
Peter: I didn’t even know what that thing was after we recorded it.
Gareth: It’s not the first time we do it though. We played it live years ago.
Are there any chances you’ll record a video of it with all of you wearing pink wigs?
Chris: Yes! I wanna do it. All hot girls with gigantic tits and pink wigs.
Wasn’t the “hot girl” 13 or something?
Dani: NO! She turned 18 last year.
Gareth:…Someone has been paying too much attention.
Chris: Ah, God Bless 4Chan!
In your new album, which I totally didn’t download, you have a song called “Scrapping the Barrel”, in which you have a whole tirade about critics who say that you’ll run out of themes to make songs on rum, islands, treasures and pirates. Have you received too many criticisms like that?
Chris: Yeah, we’ve had too many critics going like “ooh, it’s all the same shit, they’re just like Running Wild“. Fuck them.
Dani: Yeah, fuck them. Chris came up with these awesome lyrics that really aim at those fucking critics.
It’s not a world tour without touring South America, are you gonna go there too?
Chris: Well, we have an offer to play in Brazil. We’ll probably play in Latin America, South Africa and all those stupid places.
You know, I am from Latin America.
Gareth: he means South Africa; South Africa is crazy, Latin America is cool.
So what’s your weirdest experience on the road so far?
Chris: Well, we had this thing in Belarus… fuck, is there anybody from Belarus here?
Well… my mother….
Chris: Yeah right.
Dani: We spent like 9 hours on the border because they had a problem with our visas. Then when we had to come out, they had the same problem. They had to get some guy from the government to let us out.
Gareth: it was really weird, because they had all these very old computers with floppy disks.
Dani: And they had to actually travel from one border post to another, carrying the floppy disk, It was insane.
How did you feel when Prince William got Married?
Dani: I didn’t give a flying fuck!!
Gareth: I thought it was lovely. I was in London that day… I wasn’t invited though.
Chris: I really hope they put Kate Middleton in a bill or something. I wanna jack off to it. She’s a babe.
Any last words for your fans?
Dani: Eat scottish beef!
Gareth: Yeah it’s starting to be decent again.