Jim Florentine & Don Jamieson – Terrorizing Telemarketers, Vol. 6

A little over a year ago I had the painful task of reviewing a comedy” album by Don Jamieson. Back then I called Hell Bent for Laughter “a 42 minute-long crash course into anti-comedy.”  Now, in 2015, he is joined by Jim Florentine in what is apparently their 6th installment of a series of painfully unfunny albums mocking telemarketers. I don’t know who thought this was a good idea, or why Metal Blade is releasing this piece of shit, but here we are.

Terrorizing Telemarketers Vol. 6 is made up of 17 incredibly boring crank calls in which Florentine and Jamieson make things slightly annoying for telemarketers. That’s the saddest thing; it’s all just slightly annoying, slightly inconvenient. None of the “victims” of what the press release called “two of comedy’s masters of prank calls”  will even remember the conversations they had with these two unfunny imbeciles. I don’t know what sort of retarded 12-year old they had as a creative adviser, but almost none of the “pranks” they pulled here are even remotely funny. They’re actually a step under “is your refrigerator running” or “do you have Prince Albert in a can?” in terms of comedy.

Demonstrating a sense of humor that would be too low brow for your average school yard, these masterzprankzterz tell telemarketers (most of whom they actually asked to contact them) that they have problems shitting themselves, that they touch each other’s dicks, or that they’re not willing to give them their date of birth. It’s so childish and dumb that I think the album could have improved dramatically if every single track had just been the two of them yelling “FUCK YOU!” and hanging up.

To make matter worse, and just as it happened with Jamieson’s previous abomination, the production is terrible. They decided to make an album of “crank calls” and didn’t even bother getting decent recordings of the calls. I seriously don’t know how to explain such an idiotic idea.

I get that Jamieson and Florentine work in That Metal Show and so have some sort of “metal cred” among the crowd of morons who still jerk each other off talking about how “PETER CRISS IS THE ONLY CATMAN!!!!!” but I don’t understand why they’ve been given this platform. They are not funny. I mean, sure, I guess that there’s a certain inbred crowd among which telling a female telemarketer that you enjoy jerking off, or asking another one what she is wearing is considered peak comedy, but I don’t think that crowd is actually able to operate a computer or a record player without some sort of assistance.

Florentine, Jamieson… I don’t know how you got to the place where you are right now, but it happened. In the future, please stick to riding the coattails of Eddie Trunk and calling it a day. Flying solo is, absolutely, not your thing; if you really need the money, between seasons of That Metal Show you should just play it safe and collect cans for recycling or donate blood. Anything but this.

 Also, please follow this advice, you unfunny fucks:

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IN A NUTSHELL
This album is so bad it might as well be an undercover recruitment tool for ISIS.
POSITIVES
"Who me?" actually made me smile. Briefly.
NEGATIVES
Every track is terrible.
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