The Most Metal Drinks Ever

Alcohol is, for better or worse, a staple of heavy metal. Copious consumption of beer, vodka, whiskey, rum and Jägermeister, to name a few, is part of way more songs than I care to mention. Hell, some metal artists, like Lemmy Kilmister, have drank so much alcohol throughout their lives that we can safely assume that they’re only alive because they’re pickled.

When we talk about alcohol, metal and debauchery though, we often focus on Scandinavia, thinking that the lands that gave us Mayhem, Marduk and Burzum are the most fertile ground for this sort of thing. And yet, despite Scandinavia’s undeniable position as one of the most metal as fuck places, that’s not where we find the absolutely most metal drinks in the whole world.

That title goes to Chile.

The most developed country in South America, mostly known for its hard-to-kill miners, Chile is definitely not the kind of place you’d imagine as a fertile ground for metal as fuckness. And yet, that’s just how it is. Perhaps having been struck by 12 of the 40 largest earthquakes in recorded history allowed the very gates of hell to open up and affect their psyche beyond all repair and unleash their dark side. This influence from Satan himself has manifested in not one but TWO of the most metal drinks to ever attack the livers of mankind.

1. Ñachi

If I ask you to name an animal associated with heavy metal, you’d most likely name goats. Their symbolic status in Satanism has meant that they have been adopted by heavy metal bands all over the world, who use them to adorn their logos, album covers and merchandise.

As campy, cheesy and ridiculous as it is, people still try to be “true satanists” by sacrificing goats to Satan, Baphomet or whatever imaginary friend demon they choose to venerate. Well, Chileans cannot be bothered with that kind of nonsense. If you kill a goat and leave it there in your altar, that’s a lot of meat and blood going to waste, and Chileans ain’t having none of that shit. When they kill a motherfucking goat, they make sure that shit counts.

“Ñachi”, blood in the mapundungun language, is a dish/drink typical of the Mapuche (a.k.a. “Araucanian”) tribes in Chile, and which consists of killing a goat, cutting its throat, catching the blood in a bucket, season it until it coagulates, and eat it raw, or mix it with alcohol and drink it.

Chileans catching the blood of a goat, presumably after consecrating it to Satan.
Chileans catching the blood of a goat, presumably after consecrating it to Satan. (Source)

Demonstrating their absolute badassery, Araucanians and countryside Chileans defy any and all health and safety considerations regarding the consumption of raw meat and/or blood, and celebrate their commitment to heavy metal by means of Ñachi. While some might argue that Araucanians were eating this way before heavy metal existed, the truth is that the mere existence of this drink meant, in and of itself, that metal also existed.

Araucanians, you are metal as fuck.

 

2. Chupilca del Diablo

The many goat sacrifices performed by the Chileans have paid off. Satan has proven to be very thankful of their adoration, and has seen it fit to reward the Chileans with a mighty combative spirit. Throughout its history, Chile has won every single war it has fought, defeating Spain once, and the combined forces of their Peruvians and Bolivian neighbors two motherfucking times. That’s right, twice did those two countries try to defeat the Satan-fueled Chileans, and twice did they get their ass royally kicked by the battalions of hell.

When the Chileans were in the process of beating the Peruvians into submission during the War of the Pacific (1879-1883), they found themselves in need of taking over a garrison located in a hill in the northern city of Arica (“Morro de Arica)”. As anybody with a basic understanding of combat knows, taking a position located in a higher location is pretty much a suicide mission. Those above you are in a much better position to aim and shoot at you, so chances of success for the climbers are low.

While normal God-fearing people might have been reluctant to proceed, the Chileans, undoubtedly inspired by some ancient horror from the depths of hell, were not going to stop.

Chile Blog 3
Completely realistic depiction of a Chilean soldier during the War of the Pacific. The eyes clearly show the demonic possession.

 

“Chupilca del Diablo”, “The Devil’s Chupilca”, is, according to legends, the Satanic brew that Chileans used to motivate themselves to take over the Morro. What’s in this drink? Well, just some aguardiente (a strong alcoholic beverage), and motherfucking gunpowder.

Can there be anything more metal than getting shitfaced drunk with gunpowder to go into a killing rampage? Sure, they could have mixed it with some ñachi, but I’m guessing they weren’t carrying the necessary amount of goats and black candles to make that happen.

The fact that gunpowder is toxic as fuck only makes Chileans even more metal. The fact of the matter is that, unlike when Leonidas spoke about “tonight we dine in hell, Chileans would have probably been looking forward to it.

Do you know any other drinks that should have been mentioned? Let us know in the comments below!

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Considered by his mother as the brightest and prettiest boy, J’s interest in metal started in his early teens, listening to bands like Iron Maiden and Metallica (coupled with an embarrassing period in which Marilyn Manson “totally represents me, man”) eventually moving into the realm of power, black, and death metal.
He holds a PhD in law, trains martial arts, practices law, and enjoys coming up with excuses as to why he has to miss work after going to a concert. He also dabbles as a concert photographer, you can see his sub-par work on his instagram.